Homeless Network offers Must-See TV for Growing Numbers of Destitute.

CINCINNATTI, OH—In a move that entertainment insiders call a shrewd maneuver toward marketing an untapped demographic, E.W. Scripps Company has unveiled plans to launch another of their niche-focused channels, the Homeless Living Network (HLN). The added offering would round out a popular lineup of basic cable channels developed by the media conglomerate including DIY Network, Fine Living, Food Network and Great American Country.

“This is a milestone for cable television, as well as the homeless population of America,” E.W. Scripps Company executive vice-president Richard Boehne said. “The lifestyle, home improvement and leisure resources of our existing sister networks will dovetail seamlessly into the Homeless Living Network to provide valuable entertainment for the mentally ill, drug addicts, vagrants and outcasts in every city of this great country.”

Entertainment insiders are applauding the news as a breath of fresh air in a urine-soaked demographic. “The Homeless Living Network will be a much-needed source of fun living tips and riveting reality shows for a group of people who have very real style issues. You’ve seen their handwritten ‘Will work for food’ signs—so drab and unoriginal. Imagine what a little extra flair of Japanese calligraphy could do for that cliché yawner of self-promotion,” said Charisse Bennett, entertainment columnist for Salon.com. “Networks have already saturated the market for every other demographic with channels like Spike, TV for men; Oxygen, TV for women; Telemundo, TV for cleaning ladies. Homeless people are finally being recognized as a vastly under-entertained populace. Added up as a group, their discretionary income collected from begging is widely untapped. ”

Expectations run high for the Homeless Living Network’s core lineup which includes a powerhouse Thursday schedule including Trading Boxes, a show in which homeless friends spruce up each other’s makeshift hovels and reveal the results in the final minutes. Lucky participants are driven to dumpsters behind fine restaurants for unlimited rummaging. Whatever they can carry back to the “HLN Style Bus” is a guaranteed score for their unsuspecting street pal. A stipend of $20 is given to both indigents to spend on each other how they see fit—with a stipulation that personal items such as clothing and footwear are strictly off-limits.